‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’ (Jeremiah 33:3)

Too often we settle for much less than what God wants to do through us. We read in Jeremiah 32:27: “I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for Me?” and we answer, “No Lord.” Yet, when we face difficult situations we begin to qualify our belief in God and lower our expectations of what God will do. It is one thing to believe God could perform a miracle in the Bible, or a thousand years ago, or even in the life of a friend; it is quite another matter to wholeheartedly believe God can do anything He chooses to do in our lives!

When almighty God speaks to us, what we do next proves what we believe about Him, regardless of what we say. God revealed to Moses His plan to orchestrate the greatest exodus in human history, and He wanted to use Moses to accomplish it. Moses responded by arguing with God! Moses was overwhelmed by what he heard and began to make excuses for why he could not participate in God’s activity. Moses would have readily acknowledged his belief in God’s power, he simply did not believe God could do His miraculous work through his life. Moses’ argument with God limited his ministry for the rest of his life (Exod. 4:13–16).

Do you sense there may be far more that God wants to do through your life than what you have been experiencing? Ask God to show you what it is, then be prepared to respond in faith and obedience to what He tells you.

Above is an excerpt from “Experiencing God, Day-by-Day” by Henry T. Blackaby and Richard Blackaby. I love this devotional!

People often have this idea that missionaries have it all together, that we never doubt or struggle with our faith. That idea is false. Sometimes I think that people on the mission field probably struggle with faith more than those back home. There are so many difficulties and hurdles to jump when you live in a culture that is devoutly against Christianity. Every day is a battle field and to be honest, at times I try to fight alone and those are the days that I lose the fight. But luckily I serve a God who has already won the war and He loves me enough to keep fighting on my side.

My family has been going through some stuff. Sometimes it feels like it’s been one thing after another since my sister died six years ago. But right now my mom is fighting some health issues and it’s hard for me to remain hopeful. I’ve realized that this lack of hope is really a lack of faith.

“Moses would have readily acknowledged his belief in God’s power, he simply did not believe God could do His miraculous work through his life.” I love this because it’s so true for me. I don’t doubt God’s power in the big things, but sometimes I doubt that He can perform miracles in the little parts of my life and my family.

So right now I’m working on building up my faith, immersing myself in The Word so that I can respond in faith and obedience instead of doubt. And I’m thanking God in advance for the miracle He is going to perform in my mom and my family.

Aon, Ya and I have a phrase that we say to each other on a daily basis: พระเจ้าทำได้ (Prajeow tom dai). It means “God can do” and it’s a reminder that when we are weak, God is strong, there is nothing that He cannot do.

So to those of you who also struggle with a lack of faith at times, my encouragement for you is:

พระเจ้าทำได้, God can do!

Yeah, You give me grace amazing
You give me grace amazing

You found my heart in the tomb
Wrapped up all lifeless and bruised
I was the living dead
Couldn’t even lift up my head
To see You enter the room
Oh, Oh, Oh

That’s how it is with us all
We weren’t just damaged we fell dead at the fall
Only the innocent can breathe the air again
Underground, over my head
I’m almost sure I’m dead

Unless You breath life into me
I won’t ever feel my dead heart beating
But you open these blind eyes to see
That’s what makes Your grace amazing

No one can come to the Son
Unless the Father compels him to come
Our hearts are bottomless
If we’re autonomous
Why do we choose corruption
Underground, over my head
I’m almost sure I’m dead

Unless You breath life into me
I won’t ever feel my dead heart beating
But you open these blind eyes to see
That’s what makes Your grace amazing

Who’s a cripple encased in his heart of stone
Christ’s the name that I’m calling on, calling on
He’s the hope for the hopeless, yall
We were saved when He chose and called
Where is life if its not in the King
You’re the God, lift Him up to all things
To His One, His Son

Look, you might have heard I was dead in the grave
With some shackles on my wrist
I was very enslaved to the lusts and the passions
In various ways
In the band, on the horse, I was dead and depraved
Sight wasn’t just blurry and vague
I was blind as a bat, couldn’t thoroughly gaze
At the glory of Christ or the story of life
The Father said come to Him, but I hurried away

I was stuck, couldn’t choose to be found
Tell me when the last time
You seen a dead man moving around
Couldn’t buy my freedom I was truthfully bound
Couldn’t get myself saved
I was shooting them down
Only by Gods will does grace heal with great might
Cuz only the words of God can create life
Give joy, remove shackles and replace shame
I was raised by grace and I praise Christ

chorus:
You breath life into me
Now I finally feel my dead heart beating
You open my eyes to see
That’s what makes Your grace amazing

You breath life into me
Now I finally feel my dead heart beating
You open my eyes to see
That’s what makes Your grace amazing

You give me grace amazing
Praise God for that grace amazing
You give me grace amazing
Praise God for that grace amazing

My first couple years in Thailand my trips to the states were in fact, trips home. They were my chance to get back to normal, to eat my favorite foods and speak only English. They were my chance to see my family and friends and get my fill of them to last through the next year. They were my chance to sleep and rest and process the previous year.

And then, somewhere along the way, home moved.

When I was in the states in 2008, I missed Thailand. I missed my friends, the food, the language, my house, my dogs, the culture, everything. I was so excited to get back and when I walked off the airplane in Chiang Mai, I took a deep breath and smiled because I knew I was home.

I’m not saying that I don’t miss things in the states, I do. I really miss my family and friends, more than I could ever express anywhere. If I could move them all here, I would. I miss Target (and pretty much any other store that has clothing my size since Thai clothes are made for size 0 people) and I miss Taco Bell and their amazing sauce. I miss beautiful San Diego and the amazing weather in Northern California. I miss hot showers and really soft beds. And I miss blending into a crowd.

My trips back to the states are great. They are packed full of traveling and sharing about the ministry and reconnecting with old friends. I love and sincerely treasure every minute of it. But they are not restful. Not at all.

It is not until I get back to Thailand, to my house, with my Thai sisters and my dogs and I fall into my nice, hard Thai bed, that I can really rest. You know the phrase, “Home is where the heart is.”? Well, it truly applies to me.

Sometimes I struggle with this. I feel guilty, like I’m leaving behind my loved ones. But it is not at all the case. In fact, Thailand feeling like home is a HUGE blessing! A gift from God. Can you imagine spending 63 of the past 70 months away from home? Just thinking about it makes me tired. I’ve been in Thailand for 63 of the past 70 months and I can’t help but think that God is pretty darn smart! So thank you Lord for moving my home, I really appreciate it!!

She said something the other day that made me feel like I understand her on a new level. She said something to the effect of “When this is all over, maybe you will know the real me.” And ¡bam! a ton of memories hit me like a brick! Not too many years ago, I was saying basically the same words. Actually “saying” is too mild of a word, it was more like sobbing them from deep within my broken heart.

In January of 2006 I got on a plane and moved across the world to Thailand where I didn’t know a single person. Sure I was terrified but mostly I was excited and filled to the brim with hopes and dreams for a new adventure. I had no clue where life was going to take me but I was ready to give 100% of myself and I had no doubt that I was going to change the world.

Three weeks later my sister Tiffany died. Six to twelve months went by in a blur and somewhere in the haze I lost my hope. I lost myself. I spent the next couple years living just to get by. I was still living in Thailand and working in ministry but I wasn’t myself. And I came to a point where, more than anything, I was grieving for the lost me. No one in my daily life here in Thailand had ever known the real Jen. They only knew the broken Jen, the sad Jen, the lost Jen who only had a little bit to give. And I so badly wanted them to know that other person, the Jen who had no doubt that she was a world changer.

It is confusing to grieve for someone who isn’t really gone, especially when that someone is you. I could look back and remember when I used to laugh and make others laugh, when I could sing and love and share boldly. I tried so hard to grab ahold of the old me but no matter how far I stretched, I was always just out of reach.

And then one day a friend asked me how I was doing and I completely broke down. I laid on the floor sobbing, trying to convince this person that if she had known the old me, she would have loved me so much.The old me would have accomplished so much more, the old me could have changed a thousand worlds. I asked God why He would bring me all the way to Thailand and allow me to have such big dreams, only to let them break into tiny little pieces as soon as I got here. I didn’t understand any of it and I was tired. Totally and completely tired of it all.

That day was a turning point for me. I didn’t realize it then but it was on that day that I let go of the old me. I wasn’t quite ready for the new me yet but just the process of letting go opened up so much room in my heart for new hopes and new dreams. I’ve been on a journey since then that has included counseling, setting boundaries, learning, stretching, growing, breaking and a lot more tears. But it has also included laughing, singing, loving, sharing and maybe even a little bit of dancing.

Occasionally I look back and desire the old Jen again but those longings are getting fewer and farther in between. The new me is more loving and stronger in every way that I can imagine. It’s also more sensitive and emotional (good and bad). I’m about as far from perfect as they come but the important thing is that I’m me.

And the kicker is that I like the new me better than the old me and I wouldn’t change a moment of this journey over the past six years. The lessons that I’ve learned about myself, the world and the amazing God I serve are worth every tear I cried along the way. I thank God on a daily basis for bringing me all the way across the world in order to shape me and show me who I am.

So I pray for my friend and trust that through the pain she is experiencing, God is molding her into a new person.

And friend, if you are reading this, know that I see who you really are. I see past your pain and your circumstances to a heart that God is so proud to call His own. You are loved.

If I were a real photo journalist I’d be out there shooting some amazing photos for you but instead I’m hiding out on high ground because I’m a bit of a germaphobe. Here are some shots of the city taken by friends:

The photo above is the street where my church is located.

For those of you that have visited Chiang Mai, this is the famous Night Bazaar. This photo was taken standing in front of the McDonalds (not pictured to the right) and last I heard, they are still serving food. Although you have to swim there to get it…

The local hardware store (think Lowe’s or Home Depot) located not too far from my house.

My friend Mark’s daughter standing outside the bus stop. The Ping River on the right is overflowing, causing the flood.

Many families are without homes and have lost all they own. There are people missing and several reported dead. Please just keep all of this in your prayers. Thanks!!

You Were There

“You were there when I wanted to be my life’s own boss,

You were there to lay Your life for me on the cross.

You were there when my life seemed that it would end,

You were there, I always found the love You’d send.

You were there when I wanted to do it on my own,

You were there to say I wasn’t all alone.

You were there and sent Your only son to me,

You were there when I realized this is what I need.

You were there when I laid my life down to follow You,

You were there to say You’d always help me through.

And now that You’re here I know we’ll never be apart,

Because You’re here in my life and in my heart.”

I love you and miss you every day, sis!!!

Thank you to everyone who prayed for me when I was sick a couple of weeks ago, I really appreciate it! I was pretty miserable but after I sent the email out, I could feel all your prayers coming my way and I’m feeling much better now. Thanks for believing in healing for me!

It is never easy to ask for help of any kind, but I believe that God uses meaningful relationships between people like you and me to bless and encourage one another in times of need. My heart smiles when the people I love ask for help because it allows me to bless them in a very specific way.

Even so, I’ve been struggling for a couple weeks with what to write to you and all my other friends too.  A friend encouraged me to just be honest. So, this is me laying my need on the table before you and trusting that God will lead some of my friends to help in my time of need.

I am struggling financially and have been for several months. I don’t need much, but over the past months I’ve barely been able to pay the basics (rent, utilities, etc.) and still have money for groceries afterwards. I serve an amazing God and month after month He provides, sometimes quite miraculously. But, I know that God doesn’t want me to carry the stress that I’ve been burdened with over these financial difficulties so I’m asking for help. I need to raise at least $300 a month. It may not seem like much, but it is enough to lift this monthly burden from me.

My ministry leader, Julie, said to me recently “You have to spend money to make money, even in ministry.” This statement is very true and so I am planning a fund-raising trip back to the states. I’ll be visiting different churches and individuals in the hopes of spreading awareness of the ministry here in Thailand and in turn, raising more financial support so that I can continue to serve here. 

It’s been four years since I’ve been with family over the Christmas holidays and I long to be with them, so my hope is to plan the trip around that time. I will spend a couple months traveling and sharing from my heart, with a break in the middle for the holidays. This trip is going to cost me about $3000, with half of that being my plane ticket. This is a much bigger amount to raise but I have true peace in my heart that this is a trip that God wants me to take.

How can you help? You can pray and ask God if He can use you in my life. If you feel led to give, there are two options. You can give monthly towards the $300 goal or you can give a one time gift towards the $3000 goal for my trip home. Either way, you will be a big blessing to me!

I want to encourage you that a little bit goes a long way here in Thailand. I’ve often heard people say “I don’t have an extra $100 to give a month” but I encourage you to let God show you how much to give. I have a couple supporters that faithfully give $5 or $10 a month and they make a huge difference in my budget each month, I couldn’t do this without them. Please know that any amount, whether it seems big or small to you, will help me greatly!

I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I was offered an awesome opportunity to teach a session at the annual Chiang Mai Women’s Conference this weekend. I believe that we can worship God in many different ways, including our hobbies and creative outlets. Over the past year I’ve been able to show my photos in a couple different settings and share how I worship God through my photography. I must have reached a couple different people because I was asked to teach on worshipping through photography and I’m very excited about it! I’d appreciate your prayers for me.

My ministry is funded entirely by donations from friends like you. If you are interested in helping me financially, you can do so with one of the following two options: