>First of all, thanks Wendy and Katie for your comments. I love you both.
Wendy said that her stuff is settled in San Diego and it is the longest she has stayed anywhere. This got me thinking because I moved into a new house about eight months ago and I still haven’t settled here. I have a room that I call the dungeon because it has all the stuff that I haven’t unpacked yet. My bedroom has my clothes and bed in it but I haven’t decorated at all. I finally put pictures and curtains up in my living room about a month ago. It is not that I don’t want to settle here, it is simply that I haven’t had the time to do so. Maybe if I finished the unpacking and decorating, this house would feel like a home and I would feel more settled. A have a couple free days next week that I think I will dedicate to this house.
Katie brought up the difference between being settled and being content. She mentioned that maybe I am using the wrong word when I say that I don’t feel settled. Being an English teacher, I looked up the definitions of the words.
content: satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.
settle: 1)to gather, collect, or become fixed in a particular place, direction, etc 2)to make stable; place in a permanent position or on a permanent basis 3)to quiet, calm, or bring to rest 4)to place in a desired state or in order 4)To discontinue moving and come to rest in one place
settle down: 1)To begin living a stable and orderly life 2)To become calm or composed
I feel like I am on a pretty good road toward being content. I am pretty satisfied with the life that I am living. I am not saying that I am “not wanting more or anything else” but is there anyone who can honestly say that? It is human nature to always want more than we have. I feel satisfied that I am living the life God wants me to live. I definitely fluctuate daily in how content I feel. For instance, today I want to go home. I know that God wants me here in Thailand but I am homesick and I want to go home. I don’t feel happy and content with my life right now. But tomorrow I may wake up and feel completely satisfied with being in Thailand and working at The Centre and I may feel content.
I feel like I will probably be living in Thailand for a while longer. I don’t know if that means two more years or ten more years or fifty more years but I know that I am not leaving yet. This leaves me feeling “fixed in a particular place” for a while at least. However, my life in no way feels “quiet or composed.” I am constantly going, whether at The Centre or at church or around town. I don’t slow down much. I am living in a culture where things a very different than how I grew up. Little things like not being able to buy top sheets for my bed (they only sell fitted sheets here and I miss top sheets) or not being able to get hot water from the faucet (I can’t wait to take a really hot shower or even just wash my hands with hot water in a sink when I visit the states next) or not having an oven are very different than what I was used to before coming to Thailand. There are a million little things like those that make it hard to feel settled. But maybe I am looking to the wrong things to make me feel settled.
Settled or Content? I don’t know which one I am longing for and maybe I am more confused now than I was yesterday. 🙂 I do know that God is taking care of me though. And I know that if I continue to follow his plan for my life, I will end up feel both settled and content. So I continue on this path, not having any clue what is ahead, but keeping my hope in God and following his lead.
And now I head into my day with a lot on my mind. Thanks Wendy and Katie! 🙂