>I tend to associate emotions with moments in time.
For instance, when I think of sadness or shock, I remember the moment I learned my sister was dead. And I remember getting off a plane in San Francisco 24 hours later without many memories of the hours since the phone call.
When I think of stress, I remember a day in 2005, just before I moved to Thailand when I was so stressed that I went for a run and ended up sitting on a curb crying my eyes out. A lady came out of her house to check on me because she was so concerned. I wanted to explain that I was about to move to Thailand and scared and stressed out of my mind but I couldn’t stop crying.
When I think of peace, I remember sharing a room with my nephew Joshua when he was a baby. At night I would stand over his crib and watch him sleep and the whole room would fill with peace.
When I think of contentment, I remember a night when Tam and I were living in San Diego. Our parents came down to visit so I was sleeping on Tam’s floor and before going to bed we were talking and laughing and there was something about Kermit the frog.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about a specific feeling that I’ve been missing. I’m not sure what to call it, the closest I can come is that it is the feeling of being taken care of. The memory I associate with the feeling is actually a collection of memories on a trip to Israel with my parents in 1998. For two weeks I traveled around seeing pretty much the most amazing sites ever and I didn’t have to worry about anything. My parents took absolute care of my lodging, meals, transportation, everything. I was 19 at the time and part of a tour group where I was one of only two people younger than my parents. I was cared for by the entire tour group. It was such a great feeling to have no responsibilities and to know that I could just go with the flow and enjoy myself. I miss that feeling. Wonder if I’ll ever feel that way again…